The Difference Between Loneliness and Readiness

There’s a conversation I keep having with women — especially later-in-life lesbians — and it usually circles around the same quiet confusion:

“I want love… but I don’t know if I’m actually ready.”

That question matters more than we give it credit for.

Because loneliness and readiness are not the same thing, even though they often get tangled together.

Loneliness is human. It’s the desire to be seen, chosen, held, partnered. It’s the ache that shows up after years of living a life that didn’t quite fit — or after finally giving yourself permission to want what you actually want.

For many later-in-life lesbians, loneliness makes complete sense.
Some of us spent decades in relationships that weren’t aligned.
Some of us didn’t let ourselves want love with women until much later.
Some of us are navigating firsts that others had in their twenties.

None of that is a failure. It’s context.

Readiness, though, is quieter.

Readiness doesn’t shout. It doesn’t rush. It doesn’t grip.

Readiness isn’t about urgency or filling a space.
It’s not about proving you’re lovable.
It’s not about making something mean more than it does because you’re afraid it might disappear.

Readiness is about availability — emotional availability, nervous-system availability, self-trust availability.

It often sounds like:

• I’m okay being here with myself.
• I don’t need to rush the story.
• I can stay present even when things are uncertain.
• I know what feels safe in my body — and I listen.

Here’s the part that can be uncomfortable to admit:

You can feel lonely and not be ready yet.

You can want partnership deeply and still need more grounding, clarity, or healing before inviting someone into your life in a way that feels steady and aligned.

That doesn’t mean you’re broken.
It doesn’t mean you’re behind.
It means you’re paying attention.

And paying attention is one of the most loving things you can do — for yourself and for the future relationship you want to build.

Instead of asking, “Why don’t I have love yet?”
A more honest question might be:

“What does my body do when I imagine partnership right now?”

Does it feel open or tight?
Curious or urgent?
Steady or anxious?

There’s no right answer. There’s just information.

Love that lasts tends to meet us when we’re rooted, not scrambling. When connection feels like an addition, not a rescue. When desire is paired with discernment, and chemistry is supported by safety.

The good news?
Readiness isn’t something you either have or don’t have.

It’s something you can cultivate — slowly, intentionally, with awareness.

LEARN MORE HERE!

If this distinction resonates, it’s exactly the kind of work I’ll be guiding women through in my upcoming Manifest Your Soulmate Mastermind. Not chasing love. Not forcing outcomes. But learning how to become emotionally available in a way that naturally invites the kind of partnership you actually want.

Because wanting love doesn’t mean you have to rush toward it.

You’re allowed to prepare your heart with care.

It’s all unfolding perfectly.