What If This Is the Beginning, Not the Aftermath?
There’s a strange thing that happens when your life changes in a way you never expected.
You start measuring everything by what happened before.
After my divorce...
After I came out...
After the relationship ended...
After my kids grew up...
After everything fell apart...
Without even realizing it, the thing that ended becomes the reference point for everything that comes next.
And for a while, that makes sense.
When the life you knew changes, there’s an adjustment period. You're trying to figure out who you are, what you want, where you belong, and what the hell you're supposed to do next.
But eventually, I think there's a question worth asking:
What if this isn't the aftermath?
What if this is the beginning?
When Your Life Doesn't Look the Way You Thought It Would
Most of us grew up with some version of a timeline in our heads.
You get married, build a career, maybe you have kids, you create your circle of friends, settle into your life...and eventually, you arrive at this magical place called "having your shit together."
Except...that's not how life actually works.
Sometimes the marriage ends.
Sometimes you realize the identity you've been living doesn't fit anymore.
Sometimes you come out at 40, 50, 60, or beyond.
Sometimes the kids grow up and suddenly the role that consumed so much of your identity changes.
Sometimes friendships disappear.
Sometimes the future you were absolutely certain about gets completely rewritten...and suddenly, you're standing in a life you never planned for. That can be scary, but it can also be incredibly freeing. Because for perhaps the first time in a very long time, there's a blank page in front of you.
We Spend So Much Time Looking at What We Lost
When a chapter ends, it's almost impossible not to focus on what isn't there anymore. The relationship, the marriage, the family structure, the routines, the friend group, the certainty, the future you assumed you'd have...and those things deserve to be grieved.
But there's something we don't think about nearly as often: Everything that hasn't happened yet.
The people you haven't met, friendships you haven't made, places you haven't traveled, the woman you haven't kissed, the random Tuesday night that turns into one of your favorite memories, the inside jokes that don't exist yet, the trips you haven't booked, the version of yourself you haven't even met.
There are entire parts of your story that you know absolutely nothing about yet, and I think that's pretty fucking exciting.
Maybe You're Not Supposed to Get the Old You Back
I hear women say this all the time: "I just want to feel like myself again.", and I understand what they mean.
They want to feel confident again, happy again, excited about life again...but I don't know that the goal should always be getting back to who you were. Because maybe you're not supposed to go back.
Maybe you're becoming someone completely different.
Maybe the next version of you travels more.
Maybe she makes friends with people she never would have crossed paths with before.
Maybe she goes to her first Pride.
Maybe she dates women for the first time.
Maybe she changes the way she dresses.
Maybe she tries things that would have terrified her ten years ago.
Maybe she eats dinner alone without thinking it's sad.
Maybe she books the damn trip without waiting for someone to go with her.
Maybe she stops making decisions based on what everyone else will think.
Maybe she finally starts asking herself:
What do I actually want?
Not:
What should my life look like?
What will everyone else think?
What was I supposed to have accomplished by this age?
But...
What do I want my life to look like now?
That's not starting over. That's finally getting to choose.
New Beginnings Don't Always Feel Exciting
Here's the part nobody really talks about...new beginnings can feel like shit at first. We romanticize reinvention, but actually living it can be uncomfortable. You might walk into an event alone and immediately want to turn around. You might stand awkwardly in a room wondering if everyone already knows each other. You might go on a first date and think, WTF am I doing? You might be 52 years old trying to figure out whether another woman is flirting with you or just being friendly.
Welcome to lesbian dating. None of us know either. You might have nights when your old life suddenly seems appealing simply because it was familiar.
You might question yourself. You might wonder whether you're doing any of this "right." None of that means you've made a mistake. It means you're learning how to live a life you've never lived before. Of course it's going to feel unfamiliar.
The Middle Part Is Where So Many Women Get Stuck
There's this weird space between the life you had and the life you're creating. You're not who you were anymore, but you don't completely know who you're becoming yet...and that middle can feel lonely.
This is where I see women convince themselves they're behind. They look around and think everyone else already has their friend group.
Everyone else knows how to date women. Everyone else has queer community. Everyone else seems confident walking into a room alone.
Meanwhile, they're sitting in their car outside an event giving themselves a pep talk.
Here's what I've learned from Club LILLES: Way more women are sitting in that metaphorical car than you realize.
They're nervous too.
They're wondering if they'll fit in too.
They're hoping someone talks to them too.
They're looking for their people too.
And sometimes the only difference between staying stuck and creating an entirely new life is deciding to open the car door.
I've Watched This Happen Over and Over Again
One of my favorite parts of creating Club LILLES has been watching women walk into a room believing they're rebuilding their lives...and slowly realize they're actually creating them.
Someone comes to an event alone, she meets another woman, they exchange numbers, that turns into dinner, dinner turns into friendship, and ventually they're booking trips together, celebrating birthdays, supporting each other through breakups, and becoming part of each other's lives.
And neither of them could have predicted any of it.
That's the part I wish more women understood when they're standing at the beginning of a new chapter.
You cannot see what's coming yet.
Some of the people who will matter most to you might currently be complete strangers. Some of your favorite memories haven't happened. Some of the places you'll feel most at home are places you've never been.
There's so much life you simply haven't gotten to yet.
Stop Calling It the Aftermath.
Maybe you're divorced. Maybe you came out at 42, 52, or 62. Maybe a relationship ended. Maybe your kids grew up. Maybe you moved somewhere new. Maybe the life you thought you'd have looks absolutely nothing like the one you're living today.
You don't have to pretend that wasn't hard. You don't have to slap a positive spin on something that genuinely broke your heart. You don't have to be grateful for everything that happened, and you definitely don't need to have the next ten years figured out.
But maybe you can stop viewing your life exclusively through the lens of what ended, because this isn't just the chapter after something. It's also the chapter before everything that's coming next.
Before the friendships. Before the adventures. Before the firsts. Before the love stories. Before the trips. Before the nights you haven't laughed through yet. Before the version of you who looks back at this moment and thinks: "I had no idea how much my life was about to change."
Your life didn't end when that chapter did. Maybe that's where it finally started.
Maybe Your Next Chapter Starts Somewhere You've Never Been
And if you've been feeling that little pull to get out there and start living some of this next chapter, come with us.
Club LILLES trips are designed for women who want more than just a vacation. They're about seeing incredible places, having new experiences, building friendships, and being surrounded by women who understand what it feels like to be creating a life that might look a little different than the one you originally imagined.
And here's the thing I always want women to know:
You do not need someone to come with you.
Many of the women who join our trips come alone, that's part of the magic. You arrive with a group of women you may barely know...and come home with stories, inside jokes, memories, and sometimes friendships that continue long after the plane lands.
We have some incredible adventures coming up, including Costa Rica in January 2027 and Ireland & Northern Ireland in April 2027.
So if you've been telling yourself...
"Maybe someday."
"Maybe when I have someone to go with."
"Maybe when I feel more confident."
Maybe this is your reminder that the next chapter doesn't begin when you finally feel ready.
Sometimes it begins when you decide to say yes anyway. Your bucket list doesn't need a partner, and neither does your next adventure.